Who Will I Be?
by francescaalavin
Summary: Sequel to Who Am I - Alice meets the new girl at Ocean Park Hosptal.
1. Chapter 1

I feel cold, and lonely, I feel isolated. I open my eyes and I feel so strange. I'm not in my room, I look to my left and see Kara sitting in her bed, I'm in Charlie's bed.

"Kara?" She does a double take at me.

"Oh my god you're awake!" She jumps out of her bed and runs to the door to yell to the entire floor. "She's awake!" She runs back to me.

"Is Charlie dead?" I well up a little.

"No he woke up and went home, it took a few weeks but-"

"Weeks? I've been in a coma, again, for weeks? How long exactly?" No wonder I don't remember seeing him in my dreams.

"Like 3 weeks? I don't know." Suddenly a cluster of people run in. Nurse Jackson, Brittany, Kenji, my dad, Emma, Jordi, Dash and Leo.

"Give her space." Nurse J says. I immediatley burst into tears when I see Leo. He tries to come to my side but Britt and Kenji hold him back, he has tears in his eyes too. "I'm serious everyone out." They push everyone out, close the door and the blind. "You too Kara."

"But this is my-"

"Now Kara." She stomps out in a huff.

"You're okay sweetie." My dad takes my hand and kisses my head.

"What happened?" I ask as Nurse J checks my vitals.

"You sort of passed out a few weeks ago, and we knew we had to get you to surgery as soon as we could, but we didn't have a kidney, so we put you in a medically induced coma, and luckily we found you a kidney last week. It just took you a lot longer than we hoped for you to wake up."

"I'm not gonna die?"

"No honey you're not gonna die!" He hugs me and rocks me as I cry what have become tears of joy. I've never felt happier in my life, until I realise that this means I'll be going home soon, and I still don't know where home is. "Do you want me to get Leo?" I suddenly remember the last time I saw my dad and Leo was when he walked in and we were in bed, I go a little awkward.

"Uh, yeah." He kisses my head again and heads out of the room, Britt and Kenji leave too.

"How are you feeling?" Nurse Jackson says.

"I don't really know." She just kind of looks at me, then Leo comes in and stares at me.

"I'll leave you to it." She walks out and Leo closes the door behind her, but one second later, dad comes in opens it.

"Keep it open please." I go bright red.

"I missed you." He says as he comes to my side and kisses me, hard.

"I missed you too, even though to me I only saw you yesterday. I heard you talking to me. Thank you." I adjust my bed so I'm sitting upright and move over to let Leo sit next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"I feel okay physically."

"But mentally?" He holds my hand.

"Not so good, I'm terrified, I'm gonna be out of here soon. I don't know what's going to happen, what if Gary wants to take Sammy? Oh my God, where's Sam?" I look up at him and he doesn't say anything. "He's with him isn't he?" Leo nods. I get a little emotional again. "I mean, he's a good man, but I want to be with my brother, but I also wanna be with my dad, and of course you."

"It'll all work out, it has so far."

"Wait, what date is it?"

"Uh, July 27th I think. Why?"

"I missed my own 17th birthday!" I can't help but laugh. "It was yesterday."

"What? Seriously? That's not okay, we need to have a party." I can see he's already started thinking of ways to get booze.

"Um, small problem, I'm probably going to bed ridden for the next 48 hours again." He shakes his head at me.

"No, that's not an acceptable answer, we'll carry you in up to the roof in your bed it that's what it comes to, it's probably best if you don't drink though." We laugh together.

"What's a party without alcohol?"

"Well there's other ways we can have fun, there's this guy Ruben on the top floor who can get us weed, have you ever smoked before?"

"No, and I don't plan on it, but I would kind of like to see what it's like to be high."

"Well, you can eat it, okay wait here I'll get it all planned, leave it to me." He kisses me and bolts out of the room before I can get a word in. My crazy boyfriend. I look to my right and see my old wheelchair is next to my bed, I reach over and pull it to the side of the bed, I do my best to scoot over to sit in it, I almost fall but I manage to catch myself. I take the blanket from my bed and wrap it around me. I hook my IV drip on to the chair and start rollin'. I take myself to my old room, the lights are turned off but I can see that someone's moved in there. I wonder who it is. I know Leo's probably rounded up the red bands so they're all busy, so I go to the Nurses station to talk to Brittany.

"Hey Britt."

"Hey Alice! You should really be in bed." She doesn't say it as if she's gonna make me go back so I stay.

"I was just bored, what are you doing?"

"I'm just jazzing up the new girls file, oh, I guess you haven't met her yet, her name's Jamie, she's a really sweet girl but she's kind of quiet." She sticks sparkly stickers on the file.

"Oh so she's the girl who moved into my old room, I went by just to see what it looked like but she's not in there."

"She's not?" I shake my head. Britt rushes to the phone. "Security, we have an emergency, Jamie's gone, again." She hangs up. "Nurse Jackson!" She shouts down the hall, she pops her head out of someone's room. "She's gone again." Nurse J runs down the hall to us.

"You were supposed to be on look out for her." She runs around frantically searching all the rooms on our floor.

"I'm sorry, she must have made a break for it when Alice woke up." Dash runs out of the elevator.

"Jamie's on the roof again!" He yells. We all rush to the elevator and go up to the roof. Dash helps me up the stais, even though I feel pretty fine. We get outside to see a girl in a hospital gown standing on the ledge. Jordi, Emma and Kara are standing a few feet back from her, and Leo is a little closer.

"Jamie, it's okay, it's Nurse Jackson."

"It's not okay. It never will be." She's crying, I think back to the time I was on the edge of that cliff, I didn't have anyone trying to stop me, let alone all these people.

"Just come back, you don't have to do this, there's better ways to deal with this." Leo says.

"What do you know? You haven't been through what I have." She takes a small step forward and everyone flinches. I get closer to her.

"Jamie?" I say. She looks back at me.

"Coma girl?"

"You will be okay, I promise. I've been in your position before."

"You have?"

"I was the one stood on a ledge, but I didn't have anyone who cared enough to help me, until I came to Ocean Park. This place is incredible." I hold Leo's hand.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't end it all right now."

"Look, look at all of these people trying to help," she looks at everyone, "You don't have to do this. It takes time, and it's difficult, but you can get better. I did it, and that was because of these people. They helped me see the light, and we'll all do that for you." She looks down. "I promise, and I don't make empty promises." She looks back at me.

"Okay." She turns around and carefully climbs down. Nurse Jackson comes closer to her, she reaches her hand out to Jamie, and she hesitantly takes it. "Thank you." She says turning back to look at me as Nurse J walks her back inside. Brittany follows.

"Good job." Emma says.

"I don't know her at all, but I know what it's like to be there, it's pretty easy when you just have to say what you wanted to hear." Leo puts his arm around me. "I don't think it's a good idea to have a party tonight, let's do it later in the week." He nods and we all go downstairs and sit in Leo's room. There's a really dark atomsphere going on, it's different hearing about suicide attempts than to actually watch someone spiral out of control. Even Kara is sitting there in silence.

"I wonder how she's doing. One of us should go talk to her." Jordi says. Everyone turns to me.

"Don't look at me, I don't even know her."

"Yeah but you know what she's going through, you're the only that can really understand how she's feeling." Emma says.

"I guess." I look at Leo. "Okay, I'll go talk to her." I get up and make my way to my old room.

She's lying in bed looking really down, Britt is at her bedside reading a book.

"Hey." I say from the doorway.

"Hi. Thanks again for earlier. I didn't catch your name." I walk over to her.

"It's Alice, and it's okay, I did what anyone would do."

"But not just anyone would know what to say, it really means a lot that you shared that with me." She gives me a small smile, I smile back.

"I want you to know that you can talk to me whenever you need to, any of us, we're your friends."

"Thank you." She smiles again. I look down and notice she has scars on her arms, just as many as I do.

"Snap." I hold my arm up to her. "Seriously though, I'm here for you." I shake her hand and go back to Leo and Jordi's room.


	2. Chapter 2

I hang out with everyone for a bit, they tell me what I missed and about how Charlie woke up and stuff. I never got to meet him in real life. I'm sure he'll come back to visit everyone. Kara seems to have gotten nicer, Emma seems smarter, Dash seems funnier, Jordi seems more sure of himself, and Leo seems even more perfect than the day I met him. I decide I should probably go and talk to my dad, I've barely seen him today. I walk to the Nurses station where he's talking to Kenji.

"Hey dad."

"You should be in bed, you've just woken up from a coma." He gives me a 'dad' look.

"I'm fine, I've done this before," I joke, "Plus I'm recovering now. Actually that's what I wanted to talk about. Where am I going when I'm out of here?"

"You know you're welcome to come and live with me, I've cleared a room for you, but I know you want to stay with your brother, so, the choice is yours."

"It's a lot to think about, if I live with you I can visit Sam whenever I want, but I feel like we'll grow apart as he gets older." We start walking to my room. "But I don't want to get in the way of him having a good relationship with his dad."

"You don't have to decide right away, you're going to be here for a while, you still have a few physical and mental assessments left." That's good to know.

"What about all my stuff, back at my old house, I didn't have much but still."

"Gary went round and moved everything from there into his new house. He lives a little closer to downtown LA, actually so do I, so you won't be far from Sam, or Leo." I blush a little.

"Thanks, I'll think about it all over the next few weeks." I start to walk away.

"Alice, please can you use your chair, I don't want you getting warn out."

"No worries old man, I'm gonna go to bed soon anyway, as soon as I get some of those painkillers from Nurse J, my scar from the surgery is hurting a little."

"Good, I'll see you tomorrow, oh and, sleep in your own bed please." I blush again and walk away.

I look around for a nurse spot Nurse J, I ask for my painkillers, say goodnight to Leo and head to bed.

I'm not tired enough to sleep, but I just wanted to be alone for bit. Sometimes it's important to be alone with your thoughts, especially when there's an important decision to make.

I end up not being able to sleep at all, since I got into bed Kara went to bed and has been asleep for hours. I look at the clock on the wall, it's 3 AM. I decide to get up try to tire myself out, but I have to use my chair so it won't be much use. I grab a glass of water from the fountain and go up in the elevator to the roof, leaving my wheel chair at the bottom of the stairs. When I get up there I see Jamie. She's not on the ledge this time, she's sat cross legged on one of the sofas, staring up to the sky.

"Are you okay?" I ask, she doesn't answer. I go and sit next to her. "It's beautiful at night." She takes a breath in and a slow one out, she looks down at her scars.

"Thank you again, for earlier, and I'm sorry you had to see all that." Her voice sounds like she's empty inside.

"It's okay, there's no need to apologise, I'm glad I saw it. It made me realise that no matter where I am I'll always have someone to talk me down, and so do you." I hold her hand.

"I've never had someone care about me before." Her voice cracks, and I see a tear roll down her cheek.

"We all care."

"You of all people must understand that it's hard to believe." She wipes her tear away.

"Yeah I do, it takes time, but it will come." She breaks down in tears. I let her rest her head on my shoulder and put my arm around her as she cries. It's so different comforting someone, I'm so used to it being the other way around. She talks to me about how she's feeling and I completely understand where's she's coming from.

"How did you end up here then? What pushed you so far you felt like you wanted to end it?" I ask bravely.

"It was my brother, he's just, I don't know. He drove me crazy, literally. He was horrible to me. I was sitting in my room, still crying over something he'd said before, and he yanked my me arm out of my bed and pushed me in the corner. He started yelling at me and telling me how worthless I am, and that I'm ruining his life. He told me to go and kill myself so that's what I did. I took all of my mom's sleeping pills from her cabinet and went to a park, it was later than it is now, pitch black and there was no one around. I took the whole bottle and passed out. I woke up here the next morning, turns out there was a guy out with his dog and he didn't see me at first, but the dog started barking and he found me, freezing cold and called an ambulance. From the moment I woke up to the moment you got me off that ledge I've been thinking of ways to try again, but now I don't want to do it."

"That's good, that's amazing, the fact that just one conversation can change how you feel is so so good. It means you have the power to be in control of how you feel, it means you can show yourself you're ready to get past this." She's looking at me as if she's truly happy, and I don't think she's felt that in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

After last night I walked Jamie to her room and went to bed, I managed to fall asleep but not til about 6 AM. I'm woken up by Nurse J telling me I have a therapy session.

"Please push it back," I groan, "I got like 2 hours sleep."

"Not my fault, you have 10 minutes to get dressed and meet me at the nurses station." She passes Leo on her way out.

"Hey what's up?" He asks sitting on my bed.

"Ughhh."

"Long night?" I turn over so I'm lying on my back.

"Is it that obvious? I couldn't sleep so I went up to the roof, oh crap I left my chair up there." I groan again. "Jamie was up there, don't worry she wasn't going to do anything, she was just sitting there. She's fine I walked her back to her room." I sit up and rub my eyes.

"I'll go get your chair." He kisses me.

"I have therapy so I'll see you later." He limps out of my room. I get into my black skinny jeans and my Blink shirt and meet Nurse J. In a weird way I'm looking forward to therapy.

I sit down on the chair opposite Dr. Williams.

"Hi." I say with a smile.

"Well you look happy." She says putting down the pen she was writing with.

"I am, I mean things are still a little difficult but they're definitley not as bad as they could be, or have been."

"That's a very positive way to look at it. Tell me about the difficult things."

"Okay, well, my brother's gone to live with his dad and he said I can go too but, I also want to live with my dad. I'm just worried that if I don't stay with my brother we'll grow apart, and if I don't live with my dad we won't have the relationship we were supposed to have."

"I see, it can be difficult dealing with matters of the heart."

"Yeah."

"How is Gary doing after the surgery? Have you heard from him?"

"Surgery? What surgery?"

"Oh, you didn't know? Well maybe I wasn't supposed to tell you this but it's too late now. Gary was the one who gave you the kidney, you have the same rare blood type." My heart stops. I can't believe he would do something like that for me. "Sorry Alice, I don't know why they didn't tell you."

"I guess they didn't want me to make my decision based on that."

"Do you think you will?"

"Um, no, I think I'll try and follow my heart I guess. My dad says I'm gonna be in this place for a least a few weeks so I have time."

"Okay, good. So, how do you feel in yourself?"

"What do you mean? Like mentally?" She nods. "I don't know, fine I guess. I've been asleep for 3 weeks. But since I woke up I've been okay, when I did wake up I was scared I had done something again."

"Like try to hurt yourself?"

"Yeah, but I didn't so I was relieved. I don't think I'll get to the point where I want to hurt myself again."

"And that's what I'm here for, so if you do feel like that again, you can go talk to Nurse Jackson or Dr. McAndrew and they'll set up an appointment with me."

"What about when I get out?"

"I can set up weekly appointments if you like? Or you can have a counsellor instead, you're meetings would be in school or in a local clinic. And I can set up group therapy as well if that's something you're interested in."

"Maybe to begin with I could have appointments with you and then move on to a counsellor and group?"

"Sure, that can be arranged." She writes something down in her notepad. "Well, you definitley seem a lot happier than the person you were when you first got here. So I think that's it for today. I'll see you next week. Thank you Alice."

"Oh, thank you." I smile and leave the room.

"That was short?" Nurse J says.

"Yeah, I'm doing good, and she can see that." I smile, feeling truly happy with myself.

I go back to my room and see that Leo has brought me my chair, I get in it and wheel myself to his room, he's in there with Jordi and Dash, they're playing card. I park up next to Leo and watch them play. He kisses me on the cheek. "Full house, cough up." Jordi says. As he slams his cards down.

"Man that's not fair, you practically grew up in a casino!" Dash complains. "I got an oxygen treatment, I'll see y'all later." He says and walks out, still annoyed that he's awful at poker.

"Good game J-man." Leo says.

"Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week." He says. "I got chemo, you kids have fun." He says as he leaves.

"So how was therapy?"

"It was good, Dr. Williams says I'm doing well. I'm gonna keep seeing her when I get out."

"Did you talk about where you're gonna live?" He asks.

"Yeah a little, turns out Gary gave me the kidney. They didn't tell me, I'm guessing they didn't want it to effect my decision. But it won't, I'm just gonna follow my heart." He has a sad look on his face. "Leo, no matter where I end up I won't be far from this hospital, I'll always be around. You live in LA, I'm going to be living here too. Don't worry." I kiss him.

"Let's go get breakfast." He starts wheeling away.

"Uh, should I go ask Jamie to come? She might not want to be alone today."

"Yeah, that sounds good, I'll come with you." We head to Jamie's room together. She's sat at her desk doing school work.

"Hey Jamie." I smile as we go into her room.

"Oh hi guys." She looks back down to her work.

"You wanna come down to breakfast with us?" She looks at me, then at Leo.

"Are you sure I won't be a third wheel?" She looks at our chairs. "Or a fifth wheel." We all laugh.

"No, no of course not. We'd be happy to have you join us. I think Jordi's down there anyway." Leo says.

"Okay, yeah sounds fun. I'll just get dressed and meet you guys in the hall." She stands up and puts her books away.

"Awesome." We start leave.

"Uh, Alice, can I ask you something?" I turn back around, Leo continues outside.

"Sure."

"I don't have any long sleeves with me, do you have a sweater I could borrow. I'm not ready to show my arrms to the world yet."

"Yeah sure, I'll get one now."

"For the record, I think it's awesome that you're not afraid to show yours." It's only now I realise I've been wearing short sleeves for a while. I guess if it doesn't bother me, then I don't care if it bothers other people.

"Oh, thank you. You'll get there too."

After I get her a hoodie, we all head downstairs. Jordi is sat there eating his breakfast and texting someone.

"Hey Jordi, Jamie's joining us. I hope that's cool."

"Yeah of course, the more the merrier." After we get our food we sit down and hang out.

"So what kind of music do you like?" Jordi asks.

"I like Ed Sheeran, James Bay, that kind of stuff. What about you?" I know they're gonna get along really well.

"Yeah, me too." They smile at each other. Leo looks at me. I think this could be the start of something good for both of them.


	4. Chapter 4

While Leo has PT and Jordi has a round of chemo, I invite Jamie to come and hang out in my room. I feel a little sick and dizzy so I thought it was best to be in my room.

"So you and Jordi were getting along well." I say as I get out of my chair and sit down on my bed. I suddenly flinch at a sharp pain in my stomach.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just my wound from the surgery. Anyway, back to Jordi."

"Yeah he's pretty cool. I guess. You had therapy today right? What was that like?" She makes herself comfortable.

"It was pretty good, do you go therapy too?" She nods. "Who's your doctor?"

"Dr. Williams." Twinning.

"I have her too, do you like her?"

"Yeah I guess, but I don't like going to therapy. I don't like talking about my feelings, last night was weird for me, I've never really opened up that much. We're practically strangers too."

"Sometimes it's easier to open up to strangers, but we're friends now. Since I got here, I've found that if I really let someone get to know me, then we only become closer."

"Well, I don't know that much about you, you know my life story."

"Yeah I guess you're right." I'll prove my own point. "Well, my dad left me when I was a baby because my mom's mentally ill and she became abusive towards me, I got depressed, then I got bullied at school for coming in covered in bruises and cuts all the time, I got more depressed, suicidal all that crap, so I decided to kill myself. I went to a cliff and as I was about to jump, I changed my mind, I decided I could beat this, but I had already climbed down the cliff face a little, so I lost my footing and I fell. I was in a coma for 6 weeks, woke up with amnesia and had no clue what was going on. I made friends, went to therapy and eventually started to remember things. Then I found out my dad was Dr. McAndrew, then my Kidney started to fail from the fall, and I only had one, so I had to wait a while before one day I was with Leo and I fell asleep and didn't wake up and here I am."

"Oh, wow. So we both had pretty sucky upbringings."

"You could say that, yeah." We laugh. It's really nice to see her happy.

"Alice?" Kenji comes in to my room. "You have a meeting with your dad and Dr. Grace."

"Now?" I've never really spoken to Dr. Grace before.

"Yep, come on." I stand up and start to walk. "Chair please." He says. I groan.

"Sorry Jamie, you're welcome to wait here for me?"

"No that's okay, I'm kind of tired anyway."

"Okay, well I'll see you later."

Kenji takes the handles of my chair and takes me to an office I've never been in before. Inside sit Dr. Grace and my dad, Nurse Jackson is there too. Kenji wheels me in and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. They all have serious looks on their faces. Dad looks upset.

"What is it?"

"Don't panic Alice." Nurse J says.

"Well saying that's only gonna make me panic more, what's going on?"

"There's just some things we need to discuss, I've taken a look at your latest blood results." Dr. Grace says. "We've only had you on the Immunosurpressent drugs for three weeks, but it has already shown some prominient side effects. These drugs are known to weaken your immune system, but unfortunately in your case, it's become a lot weaker than we ever anticipated."

"What does that mean?"

"You have an increased risk of a few various diseases."

"Wait so I have another illness now?"

"We're lucky we've caught them early, Alice." My dad says.

"Them? There's more then one?"

"Unfortunately you have contracted HIV. We think something wasn't properly cleaned before your surgery. This has also cause you to quickly develop something called Kaposi's Sarcoma it's quite aggressive. We will put you on medication for it, but I've never seen a case like this develop so quickly for someone so young. That's why you may have notice small patches of discoloration on your skin." I look down at my arms, I hadn't noticed them before but there were quite a few, I had to look closely because my arms are so covered in scars.

"What's Kaposi's Sarcoma?" I struggle to pronounce it

"I'm sorry Alice. You have cancer." My whole world crumbles around me. I feel the walls closing in on me and my heart begin to race. I suddenly feel like I'm going to be sick. And I am, all over Dr. Grace's office. Nurse Jackson rushes to clean me up.

"Oh no, Nurse Jackson, can you take her to her room." Dr Grace says.

I look at my dad, he's torn up. I feel dizzy and weak, I can barely move. Nurse J takes me back to my room, asking for Kenji's help on the way. The two of them lift me into my bed and get my puke stained clothes off of me, putting me the ugly old hospital gown. I flop back into my bed and stare out the window as Nurse Jackson wipes the rest of the vomit off my face.

"Alice?" I ignore her. "Listen to me sweetie." She sits in the arm chair on the left of my bed, blocking my view of the window and forcing me to look her in the eye. "Look how much you've gotten through in your time here. You can do this." I look away from her.

I lay there lifelessly for what feels like hours. How come when everything starts to look up, it all comes crashing down again? I don't deserve this do I?

The day goes by slowly. Leo comes into my room.

"Hey how was therapy?" He sits on my bed.

"I don't wanna talk. Please go."

"Okay. I love you." I'm so relieved he doesn't beg me to talk to him, he just lets me be. Next Jamie comes in. She can see straight away by my face that something bad happened. So she also just leaves me alone. Brittany brings me lunch, I'm guessing she already knows what happened. She simply leaves it on my table and goes. I don't eat it, I still feel sick. The day continues this way, people coming in to ask if I'm okay, me ignoring them. It starts to get darker and Kara comes in to go to bed. She tries to bitch at me like she used to but she sees she's not gonna get a rise out of me so she gives up and goes to bed.

I go on like this for a few days, not eating, not talking, not bothering to do anything except use the bathroom. Leo comes in everyday, just to sit there and hold my hand. I don't ask him to leave. I don't want him to. But eventually he does, and I say nothing. My dad comes in to, he acts very differently to Leo. He tries to make me eat, tries to make me talk, he cries. I hate seeing him like this but my entire being has been engulfed with a crippling sadness. I'm probably going to die, I won't get the future I wanted. I won't get to see my brother grow up, I won't get to get married and have my own children with the man I love. I won't get to do anything.


	5. Chapter 5

Nurse Jackson comes into my room one morning. "Alice, I know you've had some bad news but you're gonna have to deal with it. There's a lot tests you need to have done and the sooner you get them done, the better your chances are. And you're gonna want to talk to your friends soon, they still don't have a clue what's going on with you." I've completely given up already. But I take a deep breath and get up anyway, just to please her. I get in my chair without being asked and let her wheel me around the hospital.

First I have a skin biopsy. A nurse preps me, she cleans part of my arm where there are some larger discoloration patches and then circles the area with a marker. Then I'm put under local anaesthetic. It goes slowly, but everything does these days. While I'm anaesthetised they also do an endoscopy, the stick a tube down my throat basically.

Finally I have a CAT scan which isn't so bad, but also drags on for a while. I don't speak to anyone the whole time. I just want to curl up in a ball in my bed. When everything is done, Nurse Jackson feels the need to answer questions I'm not asking.

"The results will be back in a few days and we'll be able to see exactly what's going on in your body. It's very rare for people to die from this kind of cancer so you don't have to worry." I'm not worried, because I know my luck is so bad that it would be me that dies. Why would I bother worrying about the inevitable? She takes me back to my room, Kara's in there. I suddenly start to feel very sick again. Just as she starts to walk out, I throw up all over myself, and again I become very weak.

"Ew gross!" Kara runs out of the room like a little bitch.

I notice there's blood in my puke. I start to cough and more blood comes up. I get dizzy, the room is spinning. Everything goes blurry and I feel the feeling I get before I pass out. Everything goes dark.

I wake up hours later. Not surprised I passed out. I've been changed into a new gown and cleaned. I don't feel degraded, or embarrassed. I don't feel anything anymore. My dad is at my bedside, just looking at me.

"How do you feel?" Something in his eyes helps me see how selfish I've been. Maybe I do feel something. I have to at least pretend to be okay, not for me, for my dad, my brother, Leo, all my friends. They're only trying to help.

"Okay." I say simply.

"I've missed the sound of your voice." He kisses my head. "There's something I need to tell you. I'm going to take some time off, so I can be your dad, not your doctor."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to, there's no arguing on this one okay?"

"Okay dad." He holds my hand. "Can you do me a favour?"

"Of course, anything."

"I need you to tell Leo and the others what's happening. Nurse Jackson says they don't know yet. I can tell they're worried and it's not fair to keep them in the dark."

"I don't know, I feel like that's something you should do yourself."

"Please dad, you said anything. At least tell Leo for me."

"Tell me what?" I turn around and he's standing in the door way on his crutches.

"You got this Alice." My dad kisses my hand and leaves me this awkward situation. Things between Leo and I have never been awkward. He comes and takes my dads place next to me and holds my hands. I'm still lying down because I'm so weak.

"Alice, what do you want to tell me, and why couldn't you do it yourself?" I love him so much. More feelings come back.

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you, you have your own shit to deal with and I wasn't sure if you could handle it. God knows I can't, I'm empty inside now."

"Just spit it out." He touches my face.

"I have cancer." I say with a voice that sounds like I'm a zombie.

"What? No, you just got your new kidney you can't be sick again, you're supposed to be okay."

"I know, my immune system weakened, I got HIV from a needle during surgery, and a combination of those increased my risk of a few different types of cancer, the one I've got is called Kaposi's Sarcoma."

"I've heard of that, it's not even that bad okay? People hardly ever get and when they do they hardly ever die. You're gonna be okay, you have to be okay." He has tears in his eyes. This is why I didn't want to tell him, or anyone. I can't cry with them, I can't comfort them, I can't let them comfort me. Because I feel dead inside.

"Hardly anyone gets it, but I did, hardly anyone accidentally tries to kill themselves and gets amnesia, but I did, hardly anyone gets HIV from a needle used in their surgery, but I did, hardly anyone falls in love with beautiful boys with cancer who make you feel like your heart is breaking every time you're not with them. But I did Leo. I'm the 'hardly anyone' that is going to die from this."

"No. I don't accept that. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself." He gets up and starts raising his voice. But I just lay there motionlessly.

"I don't feel sorry for myself."

"Then what do you feel Alice? Because all any of us are trying to do is help you. Look." He points to the door. I turn around again and see Jordi, Dash, Emma, Jamie and Kara. "We all want to help you. That's what these are for." I turn back to him. He's fondling his red band.

"I don't feel anything. Except guilt, guilt that I can't be okay for you. For all of you. I haven't felt like this in a long time and I honestly don't think it's going away."

"Fine. We'll go, but you should know Alice. I really love you. And I'm not going to let this take you from me." He limps out of the room, followed by the others. I knew I was going to lose them, but not like this. My dad comes back in to the room.

"Alice. You need to do something for me. You need talk to me, okay? It's the only way we can keep you emotionally stable through all of this. If you won't do it for yourself do it for me." He takes my hands. "I want you to tell my what's wrong. Are you still processing the news?"

"No."

"Are you sad?"

"No."

"Is your depression back?" Maybe that's what this is. I just thought I wasn't meant to be happy.

"Yes." He hugs me. "You know how I cry all the time?" He nods. "I haven't cried once. It's like when I got the news, a switch flipped in my head and stopped me caring about things. I haven't felt like this since I was alone on that cliff."

"You feel like that again? Like you want to end it?" I nod. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. You're going to see Dr. Williams tomorrow, and tell her everything you told me, and she's gonna prescribe something for you and you'll be okay." I nod again "And in a few days, we'll have all your results back and we'll decide what kind of treatment you need. This is going to be hard. But you have so many people on your side."

"For you, I'll do it all." Maybe I will be okay.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning I get into my wheelchair so I go and meet Dr. Williams, instead of Nurse Jackson coming with me, this time my dad does. I stayed up half the night, I'm not sure I even thought about anything, I just lay there. Maybe there was a few minutes where I thought about Leo. I let him down. I knew this would happen.

"How did you sleep?" Dad asks as we walk slowly down the long corridors.

"Fine." I answer bluntly.

"Fine? That's all I get." I can almost hear him roll his eyes. I sigh.

"I'm having trouble sleeping lately. It's more like, I don't want to sleep though."

"Okay, that's better." We get outside Dr. Williams' office, he crouches down in front of me. "You can't hold back in there. Do you want to get better?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Then you have to be straight with her, tell her everything." I nod unwillingly and go into her office while he waits outside.

"Alice, it's good to see you. Now you're dad planned this extra meeting for us, what can I help you with today?" He didn't even tell her why I'm here.

"I just found out I have cancer. So um, I guess I'm depressed."

"Oh Alice, I'm so sorry to hear that. You uh, you guess you're depressed? How's your eating?"

"I haven't eaten in days." She pulls out a sheet of paper from her draw and starts filling it in.

"And what about sleep?"

"I've barely had any." She continues writing.

"Okay, and how do you feel in yourself?" I don't know how to answer. "As in, are you happy, sad, angry?"

"No, I'm not really anything, just maybe, maybe I feel a little bit guilty about how this is effecting everyone else. My dad's taking time off work for me, Leo's mad, I haven't even seen Sam since I woke up." I find myself pouring my heart out to her. I go on and on about how I'm letting everyone down, and how sometimes I think I shouldn't have anymore surgery or treatment and just get it over with, and die.

"So you're feeling a little suicidal again?"

"I guess, yeah."

"Have you tried to hurt yourself, or try to?"

"No, I don't see the point." She starts writing a long paragraph, I normally would be dying to see what she's writing about me but I don't care. She reaches into another draw and pulls put a small green form and write down more stuff and hands it to me.

"Okay, give this to your dad and we'll get you on something to make you feel better as soon as possible." I take the slip and head out in silence. I hand it to my dad and we go back to my room. He doesn't talk to me the whole way back, he can tell that it was hard for me. On the way back we pass Leo's room, dad stops pushing my chair for a second. He's lying on his bed, he looks sad. I go in and pull up next to his bed. I take his hand.

"I'm sorry I'm not okay, but I will be. Please don't be mad at me." He turns to me.

"I'm not mad. I'm just scared for you. It's horrible seeing you so broken. Just let me be here for you." It's going to be hard. "If you don't it for you, do it for me. And him." He points to my dad, he's leaning against the wall with his head in his hands. I look back at Leo, climb out of my chair and sit next to him.

"Okay." I kiss him. I know I still love him, even if the feeling is hard to grasp, it's still in there. "Dr. Williams is putting me on meds for depression, and I had a bunch of tests yesterday to see how bad my cancer is, and to find out how they're gonna treat it."

"When do you get the results?"

"I don't know, maybe tomorrow. I'm gonna go back to my room and lie down, I feel kind of sick." I get back into my chair.

"You want me to come?" He reaches for his crutches. I want to be alone but I remember what he said about letting him be there for me.

"Sure." We reach the hall where my dad is still standing. "Uh, Leo, can you wait in my room for me." He does as I ask and leaves me alone with dad. "I don't want you to take time off work for me. The kids around here need you, not just me."

"Are you sure? I want to be here for you."

"And you will be, but I know how much you love this job, you'll still be here for me."

"Okay, if that's what you want." I nod. "I'll let you spend some time with Leo."

We go our separate ways. In my room Leo is sat on the chair next to my bed, Kara is sat in her bed. I go on lie down, bringing Leo with me. I let him hold me, even though I feel a little cramped, it's nice to know how much he wants to protect me.

"Aren't you scared? Like at all?" He whispers.

"I don't know, I'm not scared of dying, because right now, sorry, it's what I want. But I'm scared of what being dead is like."

"You're not going to die. And soon enough, you won't want to. Because I'm here, you'll get your meds. You'll be fine." I turn around so I'm facing him. "Maybe one day we'll have matching bold heads!" We laugh, he actually made me smile for real. I don't want to lose him. He keeps my feet on the ground.

He eventually falls asleep, he must not have been sleeping well either, it's only 11 AM. As he sleeps I just look at him, taking in all of his features. His big brown eyes, his dark bushy eyebrows, even his nose is perfect. I look at his lips. I've never noticed them properly before. This boy is perfect, and he chose me, of all the normal girls he could have had, he wanted me. I look at him trying to figure out his brain works. He wakes up about an hour later and looks straight into my eyes.

"You're beautiful." He says, touching my face.

"You're more beautiful. I'd be proud to have matching bold heads." I kiss him.


	7. Chapter 7

Leo makes me come to lunch with him and the others, well he doesn't make me, he asks me and I agree, just to make him happy. Even though I'd rather be alone in my room. I don't eat anything, my appetite has completely disappeared. It's very awkward sitting with the others as if nothing's happened, they don't talk much, they don't talk at all. Until Emma tries to engage in conversation with me.

"So, have you gotten anymore news? About your, you know, cancer?"

"No not yet, I had a bunch of tests and stuff but I don't have the results yet."

"Speaking of results," I hear Nurse Jackson behind me, "Alice, can I talk to you?"

"Bye guys." Leo kisses me and I follow Nurse J.

"We've gotten yours back from the lab, your dad and Dr. Grace want to discuss them with you in your room."

"Fine." I answer bluntly and roll past her into the elevator.

"Hey." She gets in with me. "I know you're struggling right now but it's not an excuse to be rude. We don't need another Kara round here." She's right. "If you keep acting this way I'm not afraid to dish it out, so you better shape up or ship out."

"Sorry." We spend the rest of the elevator ride in silence. When we get to my floor, dad and Dr. Grace are waiting for me.

"Alice, come on." He takes the handles of my chair and we all go to my room. I stand up to get into bed but I feel a little faint and dad and Dr. Grace have to catch me and help me into bed. I hate being the way I am.

"Did you eat today Alice?" Dr. Grace asks.

"No, I'm fine." She looks at my dad, as if I'm not even here.

"You can't be skipping meals, especially at a time like this, you're not at you're strongest as it is."

"Fine, I'll eat, can you just tell me about the results of the tests please."

"We've found that there is abnormal tissue growing on your lungs," Ironically I cough, "And your stomach, you might start to get sharp pains in your abdomen and chest, it will be manageable. But we have options, because we caught them so early." My dad says.

"Although your cancer is aggressive, we think it's best not to go straight in with surgery, we want to try chemotherapy first." Dr. Grace adds.

"So I'm definitley going to be here for a lot longer?"

"Yes, but we're feeling very positive about this." Dad takes my hand. "You're going to make it through this."

"So what if the chemo doesn't work?"

"We'll decide after whether to try radiotherapy or the surgery." He says.

"When will I start?"

"In about 2 weeks, yes the cancer is aggressive but luckily we have time to see if the medication we give you will make any kind of difference."

"What exactly am I going to be taking?"

"Would you like the full list?" Dr. Grace asks, I nod. "For your depression you'll be taking Celexa, which will make you drowzy so you'll take it at night time, you'll keep taking you anti-rejection meds three times a day up until a few days before you start chemo, you'll have something called Remeron which will increase your appetite, you'll take that throughout chemo, you'll still be able to have your usual painkillers as well as something to help specifically with chest pain, and finally we think it's a good idea to have you on beta-blockers to reduce the risk of heart disease."

"Six different kinds of drugs, wow."

"We know it's intense, we'll keep your sessions with Dr. Williams but instead of weekly it ill be twice weekly."

"Okay. Is that everything?" She checks her clipboard.

"Uh, looks like it. If there's anything you need, ask Dr. McAndrew, myself or any of the nurses."

"Thank you." I say as she leaves. "Are you okay dad?"

"Yes, I'm just so glad you're finally cooperating with us, soon enough you'll be doing it for you and not for us. I love you kiddo." He kisses my head. "Alright, I'm gonna go out and get you some lunch, what do you want?"

"I'm not..." I look at him. "Sorry, um I don't know surprise me." I do my best to give him a convincing smile. I watch him walk out, he stops at the nurses station to talk to Britt, she looks over at me, then bad to him and says something. After he's gone she comes into my room. "I'm sorry, I don't wanna talk. Can I be alone?"

"That's the thing Alice. You can't be alone. I'm sorry but you're just not trusted." She sits in the arm chair.

"So I'm basically I'm on suicide watch?" I sigh.

"Sorry." She starts reading her magazine.

It's funny, at the start of the week, I was the one helping out the depressed girl, making sure she was okay, now I am the depressed girl, I'm the one who needs help. Slightly annoyed at Britt being here, I lie down in bed. I still feel sick, my chest is already starting to hurt. I start to have hot and cold flushes and I realise just how unwell I really am. After lying down feeling this way for about 10 minutes I sit up, grasping my stomach.

"Britt, can you get me a bowl?" I start to cough and gag.

"Oh sure." She rushes out to get one. I try my best to hold it all in until she gets back. The second she puts the bowl in front of me, I puke in it, over and over, filling it up. Kenji runs in to help, he brings more bowls because it just keeps coming up. He rubs my back, and Britt brings me a cold wet flannel to cool me down, but it only throws me in to cold flush. I start shivering like crazy. Eventually I stop vomiting, Britt wipes my mouth and they both help me get back into bed, pulling the sheets over me and bringing me an extra blanket. I feel so weak I can barely adjust my position to get comfortable, I lie there feeling awful. I look over to the window and see Leo standing there, staring at me with only sorrow in his eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

Leo walks in on his crutches and sits on the edge my bed. Britt gets the hint to leave. At first we just sit in silence, then he pulls my hand out from under the covers to hold it.

"You're ice cold." He takes it and rubs it between his hands to try and warm me up.

"Did you see all that?" He nods. "Are you grossed out?"

"Grossed out? No, I've been through all that crap myself, of course it doesn't gross me out." He laughs and kisses my hand, like I'm a princess.

"Hey, it looks like I will be getting a matching bald head. I start chemo in 2 weeks, and if that doesn't work, maybe radio or surgery."

"Wow, that sucks."

"It's better than dying." I can't help but feel a little bit proud of myself.

"Yeah, it is." He smiles. "Jordi's still having chemo, maybe you'll have same time slots."

"That's kinda cool, but I don't wanna go with Jordi, I want you."

"Of course I'll come too, I've had chemo before so I know what it's like, it's just good to have someone who's in the same position as you."

"Okay." I try to roll on my side to get more comfortable but I get a little bit of chest pain.

"Are you alright?"

"Uh, no, can you ask a nurse or someone for some painkillers?"

"Sure, wait here." He hops over to the door. "Britt?" He shouts out and she immediatley comes running.

"Is everything okay?" She asks me.

"I need some painkillers, my chest is bothering me."

"We've put something in your IV so it should kick in soon." It's only then I notice she had stuck a needle in my hand earlier.

"Oh, thanks."

"Leo, make sure she's not left alone okay?" She tries to whisper as if I can't hear her.

"Uh, okay." She leaves and Leo sits back down. "What's that about?" He takes my hand again, I bring it up to my chin and nestle into it.

"They think I'm a danger to my a danger to myself or something." He looks confused. "What?"

"I just think you're smarter than that."

"Leo, you know for a fact it's not about being smart, depression is an actual, real mental disorder."

"No of course, yeah you're right. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He looks at me weirdly again. "What now?"

"When someone says sorry, don't say it's okay, because that means they think they can do it again. Not that I would."

"Okay, well apology excepted. I love you."

"I love you too." He gently lays down behind me and wraps his arms over my chest. I squeeze his hands tight.

"I'm gonna be okay." I reassure myself. Leo leans over and kisses me on the cheek, even though I probably smell like puke right now, he doesn't care, he loves me no matter what.

It's nice just lie in silence, I've done all the talking I can handle for today. I turn over to face Leo, he's asleep. This is the second time today he's fallen asleep with me. I feel bad that it's wearing him down so much, but if he wants to be here for me this badly then I'm going to let him. Britt saw that he had fallen asleep so she comes back in to my room to sit down with her magazine again.

The door knocks and my dad is back with lunch.

"Hey what happened? I brought you lunch." He must see how sick I look.

"Actually Dr. McAndrew," Brittany gets up, "Alice has been quite sick, she shouldn't eat for at least another hour."

"But she hasn't eaten in days?" My dad raises his voice, Leo wakes up. Brittany pulls him aside.

"Adam, come on, you know how things work here."

"Yes, I do, but I also know she's just going to get worse if she doesn't eat properly."

"I understand that but we don't want to risk her vomiting again, she will eat, just not right now." Dad sighs, it must be odd being the parent rather than the doctor. "Maybe you should go home and rest, you've had a rough few days too."

"No, no I want to stay with my daughter."

"Dad," He turns to me, "I'm fine. I have Leo and all the nurses. I'll see you in the morning."

"I-"

"Dad, please. Don't stress yourself out." I sit up.

"Fine, okay. I'll be back first thing." He kisses my head and storms out. I get why he's upset, I don't blame him at all.

I start to gag again, Britt gets me another bowl and Leo comforts me as I vomit, it's not as bad as last time but puking is always unpleasant. Brittany cleans me up again. I start crying. Leo wraps his arms around me and holds me in close.

"I'm crying."

"I know, it's okay."

"I haven't cried in so long." I start to laugh.

"You? You cry at everything?" He laughs with me.

"I know." I start crying harder again.

"I got you." I whimper into his chest as he rocks me back and forth.

We both fall asleep after a few minutes of me crying and him letting me, and I find myself in a beautiful dream. Leo and I are sat on the roof of the hospital, right on the edge holding hands, just staring out over everything. I'm bald in the dream, but it doesn't matter, nothing matters except for us here and now.

 **I know this is a short chapter but I just wanted something that was mainly talking :)**

 **Please leave reviews, if you have any ideas for any of the characters let me know!**


	9. Chapter 9

I managed to eat half a sandwich after Leo and I woke up, he begged Nurse Jackson to let him take me for a walk, it took some persuasion but she finally let us go. Of course it's not really a walk because I'm in a wheelchair but it's nice to get out of the building for a bit. I have a blanket on my lap to keep me warm and I'm wearing ugly hospital slippers.

"So have you guys hung out with Jamie much?"

"Nah, not really, she's kept to herself lately. I think she's kind of lonely, but that's because she's shutting everyone out. At least that's what Emma got from her."

"Emma spoke to her?"

"Yeah she went to see if she wanted to come to lunch one day but she turned her down in a weird way or something, so of course Emma like tried to figure her out and that's what she came up with."

"She's always analysing people. I wonder what she's got to say about me." Leo goes quiet. "She said something didn't she?" He doesn't answer me. "Come on, what did she say?" Still nothing. "Leo!" I put the brakes on my chair, almost tripping him up. "What's Emma's analysis on me?" He sits on a bench next to where we stopped, I go over to him.

"Okay, for the record I told her off,"

"Leo."

"She said you're attention seeking because you have daddy issues and you're depression isn't a chemical imbalance."

"What the hell? What else could it be?"

"She said you're just sad and you'll get over it. Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad. I'm a little hurt, but not mad. I'm gonna go and talk to her." I do a complete 360 and head back to the hospital.

"No, Alice don't it's just gonna piss you off more."

"I'm not pissed off, I just want to find out why she said it." He tries to catch up but his leg slows him down and I'm way ahead of him.

I don't get it, I thought Emma and I were friends. Of all of us in the red band society I thought she would understand it the most, she has a mental disorder too, of course it's a chemical imbalance. I get to her room, she's on her sofa reading a book.

"Daddy issues? I'll get over it? Really Emma?"

"Alice, hi-"

"Don't Alice hi me, talk to me, why did you say that crap about me?"

"I'm gonna kill Leo." She mumbles under her breath.

"Leo did the right thing by telling me, but you, you really surprised me Emma."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry you said it or sorry I found out, because if you didn't mean it why would you say it? I thought we were friends."

"We are friends. I was trying to figure you out."

"I wish you wouldn't. I'm not a hard math problem that you need to solve, I'm a person. I don't need another doctor, I need friends."

"I really am sorry, I didn't mean it, what I meant was that maybe you are the way you are because of the way you grew up and that you can get through your depression. I just worded it all wrong."

"I am the way I am because my mother beat me. You need to be a little less careless when you talk about other people behind their backs. Next time you have something to say, say it to my face, don't let me hear it from someone else."

"Yeah it makes you look kind of pathetic, talking crap about your ex-boyfriends new girlfriend, _to_ your ex-boyfriend." I hear Kara's voice from behind me.

"Please forgive me Alice." Emma walks over to me.

"I do forgive you, just think before you speak next time." I give a weak smile and roll out, I can hear Kara following me. "What do you want?"

"Easy Wheels, I just wanted to know when I'm getting a single."

"What?" Does she want this cancer to kill me?

"You're getting out soon right?" I guess she didn't hear the news.

"I have cancer Kara, I'm not getting out anytime soon." Her face goes from bitch to pitying bitch. She's my roommate, I had just assumed she knew.

"Oh, crap."

"Sorry you won't be getting your private room. I start chemo in 2 weeks."

"That freakin' sucks Alice, sorry."

"You'll just have to put up with me." I leave her. Leo has finally caught up to me and is waiting outside my room. "Sorry, I didn't mean to ditch you like that. I straightened things out with Emma."

"Oh, good, I was worried you were gonna fall out over this. Come on, Nurse J wants us to eat." He starts pushing me to my room, Kenji follows us and helps me get out of my chair and into my bed. "Do you want me to stay?"

"I could do with some alone time, but I'm guessing Kenji won't be leaving so I won't be getting any space. It's up to you."

"Okay, I could come back before bed and say good night?"

"Yeah sure." He kisses me, lingering for a moment.

"Okay lover boy, wrap it up." Kenji says.

"See ya later." He says

* * *

I get sick almost everyday for the next week and a half, but my anti-depressants started kicking in after only a few hours of taking them and I feel almost normal again, I've been taken off suicide watch. My appetite is back to how it should be, and I've stopped taking pills for it now. I feel pretty good about my situation. I saw Dr. Williams and she said I seem a lot happier too, and now Sam's allowed to come see me. Gary didn't want him to come because he didn't want him to see me so down, but honestly I think the idea of seeing my little brother has really helped me feel better. Dr. Williams said it's always good to have something to look forward to. He's coming over in half an hour. My dad is happier too, he's just glad I'm not so depressed anymore, but he's still scared, I mean he hasn't told me that but I can see it.

I've stayed in my room for breakfast everyday, and usually lunch and dinner, but Nurse Jackson let me eat with the others some days. Today we've ordered in pizza. I asked Jamie to come with eat with us but she said she's tired, she kind of seemed nervous around me. I hope she's okay. We're eating in Leo and Jordi's room.

"So Alice, you start chemo in a few days right?" Dash asks.

"Yeah, Monday."

"I have chemo Monday, what time is your slot?" Jordi says.

"10:30 I think."

"Oh cool, same time as me. It's not as scary as it sounds, just a little boring."

"But what about the side affects? I mean my bodies already pretty messed up."

"Yeah they're pretty rough, a lot of puking, fainting, stomach ache, headache, clumsiness, and obviously hair loss."

"Well I already puke all the time, what about the pain does it get like less painful over time?"

"Not less painful, but you build up a tolerance. Oh, and you might get constipated."

"Ew, can we not talk about this while I'm trying to eat?" Kara gags, and we all mock her.

"I don't wanna talk about me anymore, Dash, what are you up to?"

"He's trying to get laid." Emma says, then she has this look on her face, like she shouldn't have said it.

"Who've you got your eye on?" He doesn't answer, I think of all the girls it could be, there's only one. "Jamie?" I thought Jamie and Jordi had a little thing for each other.

"She's hot, and nice and stuff."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"I know it's not, but I don't know I just got feelings for her, you feel?"

"I feel." Jordi says.

"Look Jordi, she turned you down, you gotta get over this man."

"She turned you down? Wait how much did I miss last week?" No one answers, so I look to Leo.

"She told him he's not her type."

"What? But I thought you guys got along really well, you like all the same music."

"She told me what her type is, I'm not it."

"She did? Well tell me man, maybe _I_ am." Dash says.

"You're not, trust me. I gotta go." Jordi takes the last bite of his pizza and leaves the room, he seems really upset.

"Maybe you should go talk to him Leo."

"Nah, I've tried, he doesn't want to talk about this at all."

"Maybe you should go and talk to Jamie, Alice. I think this could be what's bothering her." Emma says. I'm kind of annoyed that Emma still thinks she can figure everyone out, but this time she might be right.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Leo helps me off the floor where we're eating and into my chair.

I go into her room, she's sat facing the window painting something on an easel, I get closer and see it's a picture of the girl with hair a similar colour to mine, only the mouth and hair is painted but it's really good so far.

"That's amazing." She jumps up and stands in front of it.

"It's nothing, I uh, just got bored." She pulls the curtain from around her bed to cover it.

"I wish I was that creative when I'm bored. Are you alright? Jordi was just telling me what went down between the two of you."

"Nothing went down, I just told him I didn't like him the same way he liked me, I told him I wanted to be friends but he hasn't spoken to me since. I need to get some rest." I sit down on her bed. She doesn't join me, she still seems nervous, but now she looks a little annoyed too.

"Oh, I see. Well why didn't you want to date him?"

"He's not my type, I told him that. Please can we not talk about this?"

"What is your type?"

"Please, Alice."

"It's just a question."

"You, you idiot." Me? What does she mean? I'm her type? "Get out."

"Sorry." I leave in a hurry, she slams the door behind me. I feel awful, she likes me and I tried to pressure her into something she didn't want and I hurt both her and Jordi in the process.


	10. Chapter 10

I go back into Leo's room.

"What did she say?" Emma asks.

"I definitley found out her type, she's not into guys, or maybe she is but she likes a girl right now." Maybe I shouldn't be outing her, but if it's just a few people it's fine, plus no one will judge her.

"I knew it, she's always looked at me weird. You better go tell her I'm not a beaver buffer."

"It's not you Kara, it's me. I wondered why she was acting so nervous around me. But I don't get it, she barely knows me."

"She likes you? When I'm around who else is there even to look at?" Kara's pretty shocked.

"Wait so you want her to have a crush on you?" Emma asks confused.

"Well everyone does."

"I don't." Leo says.

"I don't." Dash repeats.

"I don't." We all hear Jordi say as he passes by outside.

"And neither does Jamie, but guys this isn't the point, we're just friends how the hell do I tell her? People don't generally have crushes on me."

"I did." Leo says.

"I did." Jordi passes by again. We all look to Dash.

"Oh, no I didn't." He says awkwardly.

"See, my point exactly."

"Two out of three guys, not bad." Kara says to herself.

"Just make it clear you want to be friends." Emma tries to help. "She'll get over you."

"I just feel bad though, she has to see me and Leo everyday."

"Maybe you'll just have to avoid her." Leo says.

"But we were getting along really well, I don't want to make her uncomfortable though, maybe you're right."

"Alice, blood test time." Kenji comes and takes me out of Leo's room into my own. I've had blood tests every few days, they're being extra cautious. "Sam's coming today right? You excited?" He asks as he sticks the needle in my arm.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him since before my second coma. I heard him talk to me when I was under, but he was just asking questions, expecting me to answer."

"Well now you can answer his questions."

"But how? He's going to ask why I'm still here, what do I say? I might die? No, I can't say that."

"You don't have to say that, and you're not going to die. Just tell him you're still sick and he can come and see you whenever he wants."

"Alice!" Sam's voice comes from the hallway.

"Speak of the devil, have fun kiddo, and take it easy." Kenji leaves and dad comes in with Sam. He runs up and jumps on my bed to hug me, it hurts but I don't flinch.

"Hey Sammy! How are you? Ugh, I missed you."

"I missed you too, when are you coming home?" I look over to my dad, he sits down on the edge of Kara's bed.

"Listen, Sam. I won't be coming home for a long time, I'm still really sick. And uh, I won't be living with you and your dad. I'm gonna go and live with my dad," I see dad smile out of the corner of my eye, "but it doesn't mean we won't see each other, you can come to my house and I'll come to yours. And while I'm here you can come whenever you want."

"Are you mad at me?" He starts to cry a little bit, it reminds me of all the times he cried when mom would hit me, but I'm happy that we're both safe from her now.

"No, Sammy, no I'm not mad, I love you. But, I love my dad too, just like you love yours. I'll see you all the time! Okay?"

"Okay."

"Come here." I squeeze him tight. "I'll always be here for you." He starts to perk up immediatley, little kids bounce back so fast.

"Is Leo here?" He asks.

"Yeah, wanna go play games?"

"Yeah!" He hops off the bed, I think he expects me to come running with him but I'm still really weak. Dad has to help me into the chair. "Why do you have to use that?"

"I'm really tired!" I laugh, trying to make sure he doesn't see just how bad things could be. "Wanna ride?" I pull him on my lap. Dad pushes us fast down the hall to Leo's room, everyone's left now and he's in there on his own.

"Hey little man!" Sam hops off my lap and into Leo's arms, he spins him round. I love how much Sam loves Leo. "Come on, you wanna play Fifa?" Sam sits down on Leo's sofa and starts playing, Leo helps me sit on his bed and goes and plays with Sammy.

"So Sam, did Gary drop you off?" I ask.

"Yeah, he had to go to work but he's gonna pick me up in an hour. Goal!"

"Good job, dude." Leo says.

"How's school? My dad said you started at Carver Elementary."

"It's okay, there's this boy Johnny, I've been to house a few times, he's really cool."

"That's awesome, do you like your teacher?"

"No one likes their teacher." He's not wrong. I never had one teacher that I remotely liked. One of them saw the cuts on my arms and told me to hide them because if any of them copied me and died, I would be the one to blame.

We all hang out until Gary shows up to take him home, I can finally thank him for the kidney.

"Hey, Alice, how you doin'?" He says, scooping a tired Sammy up in his arms.

"I'm alright, considering. I wanted to thank you, for the kidney, if it weren't for you, I might not have made it."

"You would have found one sooner or later, I just made it sooner."

"Well thanks, again. And thank you for looking after Sammy, we both need all the family we can get. I also wanted to tell you, I'll be living with my dad when I get out. I only decided today, but I think it's best, for everyone."

"Oh, okay, if that's what you want, I'll support you." He smiles, but I think he's a little upset. "Well, I better get this little guy home, we'll see you soon Alice."

"Bye Alice. Love you." Sammy waves.

"Love you too Sam. Bye Gary."

* * *

A few days later, Nurse Jackson shouts from the hall for me to wake up, I have my first round of chemo today in half an hour. I already feel completely worn down. Jordi says the first day is fine, but the next day is when it hits you, so I'll be okay today.

"Get up Alice." Nurse J peers in. I decide not to be difficult and I get up and ready. She makes me have a big breakfast because I might start to lose my appetite again. I meet Jordi and Leo at the nurses station and Brittany takes us downstairs.

"Okay, do you have any questions before we start?" An oncology nurse explained everything to me. Turns out the drugs in chemotherapy are basically poison.

"No, I'm cool. Thanks."

"Let's get started then." She hooks the needle already in my arm up to the chemo set up, and just like that the poison starts pumping. Leo is sat opposite me in his chair, I have my legs on his lap. Jordi is in the chair next to me talking to some old lady.

"Can you feel it going in yet?" Leo says.

"Yeah it's cold, feels the same as the other drugs they've pumped me with though."

"So when did you hair start to fall out?" I ask Leo.

"After my second session."

"Really? That soon?"

"Yeah, are you scared?"

"Like, a little, but I've always wanted crazy coloured hair, maybe I could a wig."

"You know, not everyone's hair falls out. Jordi's hasn't, well not yet anyway."

"In a way, I kind of hope it does, I'll never have to shave again." He laughs with me.

"Tell me bout it sister." A woman next to me says. "Look at these legs!" She kicks up her smooth hairless leg in the air. It's cool to see someone going through what I am and be so positive and humorous about it.

"I am scared about the other stuff, the puking and all that. I get enough of that already."

"Yeah it does suck, it sucks balls, it sucks huge balls."

"But?"

"There's not really a but, it just sucks." I appreciate his honesty. What sucks more though, is that he'll have to see me like that. And so will Sam, and my dad is the one who has to look after me. "You alright?"

"I don't want Sammy to come see me, when I'm not doing good. Which is going to be most days, but I don't want to upset him by telling him he can't come."

"You're right, most days aren't going to be good, but there are good days, or better days at least, you can decide when you see him, but don't shut him out completely. I know he's just a kid but he deserves to know what's going on too."

"Okay, but, how do you explain cancer to a kid?"

"It doesn't have to be your job, you're a kid too. Hey, let's not talk about cancer, that word is just so damn depressing. We still haven't celebrated your birthday, wanna do something tonight before things get tough?"


	11. Chapter 11

Leo, Jordi and I race in our wheelchairs to the service elevator, laughing our heads off, I win but I'm pretty sure they let me. Leo reminds of that guy Ruben who has pot brownies for us. The others are meeting us on the roof. I think about asking Jamie to join us but I know she wouldn't want to.

"Hey Ruben." Leo says as the middle-aged man lets us into his room, even though it's more like an entire floor.

"Hey, Leo, Jordi. Who's this?"

"I'm Alice, Leo's girlfriend, it's nice to meet you." I shake his hand.

"Come on in guys." He welcomes us and we sit around his fire pit. Who the heck has a fire pit in their hospital room? "So what are you in for Alice?"

"I came in with amnesia and internal bleeding in my liver, I was in a coma, then I my kidney failed, I had a transplant, got HIV from a needle they used and because of that I got cancer. I started chemo today."

"That's pretty , you came to the right guy." He goes into his kitchen a brings out a plate stacked with brownies.

"Thanks Ruben, you're welcome to join us, we're having a party on the roof for Alice's birthday." Jordi says.

"Nah, you kids go have fun." He hands the plate to Jordi who puts it on his lap, we say thanks and goodbye to Ruben, and we go and meet the others on the roof. We leave our chairs at the bottom and I use the hand rails to help me get up there. I'm nervous to try a brownie but at least if something goes wrong, I'm in a hospital. Leo, Dash and Jordi have smoked it plenty of times, I'm sure Kara has too, but I'm guessing Emma hasn't and probably doesn't want to. We get up to the roof and the guys are already there waiting.

"Finally! I'm dying for a smoke. Wait are those brownies?"

"Yeah sorry Kara, Alice isn't into smoking." Leo says.

"At this point I'm so freakin' deprived, I'd settle for herbal tea. Give me one." Kara grabs the plate from Jordi and starts scarfing down a brownie. Leo helps me get over to the couches and we sit down together in each other's arms next to Dash. Kara hands the plate around, everyone takes one except for Emma, then the plate gets to me. I start to have second thoughts.

"I thought you wanted to try it?" Leo says.

"I'm not sure I want to anymore, like I do but-"

"She's scared." Kara says.

"I'm not scared, okay maybe I'm a little scared."

"What if you just had half of one?" Leo says.

"Okay." I take the smallest brownie and rip it in half. "Should I be doing this? I literally just started chemo." I take a bite anyway.

"Yeah it's fine, I did it, it actually helped with the nausea and stuff." Leo says. I keep eating.

After a while it starts to hit me, it doesn't feel that different to how I normally feel, I'm just way more relaxed and a little giggly. Leo and I are staring up at the sky.

"I like the clouds, when they move and stuff." I laugh at myself.

"You're totally stoned." Jordi says.

"Come oooonnnn Jordi. I'm not the only one of us who's a little... fizzy."

"Fizzy? Yeah she's stoned." Kara laughs at me.

"I want a snack." I sit up and lean my head on Leo's chest giving him puppy dog eyes.

"Oh and I suppose I'm the one who has to get it?" I nod, he puts his hands on my cheeks, "Fine, only because I love you." He kisses my nose.

"I love you, you beautiful bald boy." I flop back over the couch when he stands up. "Make it chocolatey, or salty, or both." He goes downstairs. "Is it normal to be this hungry?"

"You have the munchies. Just have another brownie." Kara lies down on the ground.

"Excellent idea Kara with the haira!" I reach over for another brownie.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Jordi stops me.

"You're such a killjoy." He moves the plate out of my reach and I flop back annoyed.

"I feel kinda weird now." I close my eyes. "I'm just gonna close my eyes so maybe I won't-" I suddenly lean over the edge of the couch and hurl all over the floor.

"What the hell is going on?" I turn around and see dad standing there with Leo, just before I pass out.

"Leo she has cancer, you think you'd know better, you've had chemo too, you know how rough it is. What made you think this was a good idea?" Dad's angry.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"No, forget it, I don't wanna hear it." I keep my eyes closed, pretending I'm asleep. "If you wanna spend the rest of your life getting high, then leave my daughter out of it." I wait until I know he's gone, I open my eyes and I'm in my room again.

"You heard all of that?" Leo takes my hand, I nod. "I'm sorry, your dad's right, we shouldn't have been doing that, it's not for everyone."

"It's not your fault, I didn't have to try one."

"Do you regret it?"

"No, I mean, I regret my dad finding out. What happened after I passed out?"

"Well, your dad yelled at me and the others a lot, then we tried to carry you down the stairs but I couldn't, with my leg so Jordi and Dash went to get some nurses with a gurney and they got you down here, you threw up a lot more, they hydrated you and then you woke up. You still high?"

"No I don't think so, just tired, and hungry."

"I got you that snack." He pulls out a little packet of chocolate covered raisins.

"Oh my God you're my hero!" I snatch the packet from him and scarf down the entire packet in two minutes. "Where are the others? Were they in trouble?"

"Emma got yelled at for letting us do it, Jordi, Dash and Kara are under room arrest." I look over and see Kara in her bed on her phone, she gives a sarcastic wave and smile.

"Why aren't you under room arrest?"

"I am but, I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Time's up, Leo." Nurse J shouts from the hall.

"Gotta go, love you." He kisses me.

"Love you."

"Don't you mean, I love you, you beautiful bald boy." He mocks me as he walks out, Nurse Jackson passes him and comes in to check my vitals.

"Is my dad mad at me?"

"No, he's mad at Leo. Which, frankly, I don't think is fair. Leo doesn't make your choices for you."

"I know, it was my choice and it was wrong."

"I'm not the one you should be telling. Dr. McAndrew, your patient wants to talk to you." She finishes up and gives me a look. Dad comes in, looking kind of upset.


	12. Chapter 12

"Don't be mad at Leo, it was my fault." I sit up in my bed.

"I'm not mad at him, I'm disappointed, in myself." He sits down. "I shouldn't be letting you hang round with him."

"What? No, Leo's good for me."

"Really? He's good for you? Giving you pot, making you cry?"

"We haven't fought in a long time, dad. Don't make him look like the bad guy." I can't believe what I'm hearing. I look over at Kara, she's gobsmacked.

"I don't want you dating him."

"You have to be kidding! Dad, we're in a hospital, I'm going to see him everyday. I love him. No, I'm not letting you try and end us."

"Too bad, I'm you're father and you'll do what I say." I he stands up and points his finger at me. I fill with rage.

"So now you want to parent me? You're seventeen years late." I get in my chair and leave. I'm so angry, I thought he liked Leo. It wasn't long ago he was saying how Leo wants to protect me, that's why he was being so possessive. It's not like our relationship is toxic, it's anything but toxic. It's perfect. I go straight to Leo's room, he's not there, it's just Jordi.

"Alice? What's wrong?" Should I ask for Jordi's help? Last time I came to him for advice he kissed me and almost ruined my relationship. It's almost ruined again now.

"Nothing, where's Leo?"

"He's got a late PT session. Talk to me Alice, what's up?" I hesitate to go in. "I won't try anything I swear, that's over now."

"My dad's an ass!" I walk in and flop over on Jordi's sofa. "He thinks Leo is a bad influence or something, I don't get it."

"He said that?" I nod to Jordi. "Are you sure he meant it? He must be pretty upset right now, I mean his daughter has cancer."

"He said he's not good for me. It just doesn't make any sense."

"I think it does," I look at him, "Not the part about him being bad for you, it makes sense that your Dr. McAndrew thinks that. You've only just come into your life and he's probably scared he'll lose you, whether it's to cancer or Leo, I don't know."

"You think he wants me to himself?"

"Yeah maybe, he's probably hurting just as much as you are, and he doesn't have a clue how to handle it. He's never been a parent before and he's just had a sick teenager thrown to him. You're telling me you wouldn't overreact if it was your kid?" Jordi makes a lot of sense.

"I don't know, maybe. I don't wanna deal with this right now, when's Leo back?"

"Not for another hour."

"Do you wanna get out of here?"

"I'm under room arrest." I see him thinking about it.

"Come on, Jordi."

"Okay, but not for too long. If Jackson notices we're gone then we're dead meat."

Jordi lends me a jacket, we go sneak Kara out of her room, then Dash and Emma and we all find out way out through the back of the hospital.

"Okay good plan so far, but where are we going?" Emma asks.

"Kara, do you still have your car here?" Dash says.

"Yeah, but no puking, the leather was imported from Maine." We get in Kara's insane car, we fight about who gets to go in front, I win of course. We drive around aimlessly for a while. "You know, there's a dance at my rival high school. It's a costume party so don't worry about looking like that Alice."

"I'm down." Dash says.

"Me too." Jordi adds. Emma looks at me.

"I will if you will." I say.

"Fine lets go." She says, I can tell she doesn't really want to be here but it's better than sitting in a hospital all alone.

The school is gigantic, nothing like I've ever seen. We get let in easily because Kara slept with the guy selling tickets on the door. The gym is super impressive, it's decorated amazingly, there's silk dancers hanging from the ceiling. Kara goes off on her own, to find someone to sleep with I presume, Jordi and Dash start chatting up some girls. Emma and I stand awkwardly as if we're waiting for something to happen.

"Tonight, we're not us, we can be whoever we want to be because we'll never see these people again, sound like a plan?"

"Sure, but don't leave me okay!" I grab her hand and pull her on the dance floor, I'm tired as hell but I push that aside. Emma really let's loose, it's only when two guys come up to us that she tightens up again.

"Hi, who are you fine ladies?" One of them asks. They're dressed as zombie football players.

"I'm Alexandra and this is my good friend Esmarelda, Al and Esme for short." Emma gives me a look, I'm just having a bit of fun.

"I'm Jake."

"I'm Liam, may we have this dance?" The other one asks.

"I would love to dance, though I should inform you that I am taken, however Esme would be honoured to dance with you." Liam and Emma start dancing away and she begins to let loose again. I dance a safe distance away from Jake, he brings me a drink of punch.

"So what are you supposed to be?" He asks looking at my hospital gown.

"A mental patient."

"I dig that." He dances like a loser but who cares, we're all losers. After dancing to a few songs I notice I've gradually moved away from Emma, but she seems to be having fun so I don't do anything, I just keep dancing. Kara comes over with some guy and they dance with us, Jordi and Dash have found too lonely girls to keep company and they join us too. I love this, having fun without a care, pretending we're not all sick. It's real teenage normalcy. Jake brings me more punch and I notice it doesn't taste like punch anymore.

"I don't drink." I hand it back to him, he doesn't try to make me drink it like typical high school douche bags, he just sets it down and we keep dancing. I don't think about my dad, but I do think about Leo. I wish we had waited for him, he would have loved this. Emma and I introduce ourselves to more people as Alexandra and Esmarelda and we create these whole other characters, Esme and I go to a private school in New York where we study Art History, she gets more and more confident with it. After a while we have one last dance with everyone and then it starts to get late, Jordi convinces us all we should go home.

"That was so fun!" I get back in the front seat of the car, everyone seems really happy. "I hope we can do something like that again, but next time we have to bring Leo, he's gonna be so bummed when he hears he missed this."

"I don't get how you guys had so much fun, you didn't even get laid." Kara says as she starts to drive.

"You don't have to get laid to have fun, Kara." Dash argues back.

"You would say that virgin boy."

We get going on the road and I start to worry about my dad again, I think Jordi was right earlier, about my dad, but I don't want to apologise.


	13. Chapter 13

We get on the freeway to get back to the hospital, we've been way longer than an hour now. Kara starts to look worried, then her car starts making a weird noise.

"Oh crap." She says under her breath, she pulls into the side of the road.

"What? What is it?" Emma says, she's getting worried too.

"I'm out of God damn gas." She turns the car off.

"You didn't fill up? What the hell Kara? How are we supposed to get back?" Jordi complains. I'm trying to keep calm but I know I'm just going to make my dad more mad at me.

"Hey don't blame me! One of you guys could have reminded me!"

"Okay guys, let's just stay calm, we can call for help."

"Who do you suggest we call, Alice. If we call your dad or any of the nurses they'll kill us." Kara stresses out.

"Well call a cab then." Dash can't be bothered with all the drama.

"Yes! Okay, how much money do you guys have?" Everyone starts looking through their pockets, I don't have any in my dumb hospital gown. Nobody has even a cent. "Well that plan went down awesome!" Kara yells sarcastically.

"Just stay calm, call my dad. He won't be that mad, we're hospital kids we have it bad enough as it is."

"Fine." Kara, the only one of us who brought their phone, pulls it out to call dad, then she pulls another annoyed face. "I've got no bars." The whole car sighs in unison.

"We're just going to have to walk." I unbuckle.

"And leave my car?"

"You can send someone for it tomorrow. Come on guys." They all sigh again and we get out of the car. I don't know how we're gonna make it that far, Jordi and I are in the middle of chemo, Emma has an eating disorder, Dash needs his oxygen treatment and Kara has a frickin' enlarged heart, there's no way we're all going to be able to walk back without something going wrong.

We find a road that's safer to walk down, and start the journey. It's like a three mile walk, but we can at least walk until we get some signal on Kara's phone. Dash and I are already coughing and we've been walking for like 20 minutes. I wasted all my energy dancing with those football players and it's just my luck that we'd get stranded.

"Does anyone know where we are?" I ask between coughs. Everyone just mutters a small 'no'. "Do you have bars yet Kara?" She checks her phone.

"I have one, here, call your dad, his numbers in there." She hands me her phone. I look at what he's saved as.

"Dr. McAnnoying? Inventive." I call him. "Dad?" The signals not great, I can hear him but I can't make out what he's saying. "Kara's car broke down, we need someone to pick us up. Dad? Hello?" I can't hear anything now. I look at the phone. "It died." I toss it back to Kara. "We'll have to keep going."

"Dash can't go any further, he needs his oxygen treatment." Jordi comforts Dash as he slumps down on a bench.

"Okay, well you guys stay here and we'll go look for a phone to use."

"Are you sure we should split up Alice?" Emma asks.

"Would you rather wait around and do nothing? Come on." I drag Kara and Emma along with me. We go in to the nearest restaurant to use their phone. "Hi, um, my friends and I supposed to be in hospital right now but our car broke down, so I was wondering if there was a phone we could use to call our doctor, he's my dad too." I ask the maitre'd.

"Okay, uh, wait right here." He turns around, I assume to get a phone but instead he picks up a phone and presses one button. "Security, have a problem out front."

"Oh no, no there's no need for that. I swear, we just snuck out because, well because we're all like, dying so we just wanted to-" Before I finish my sentence two men come over to us, asking us to leave. "No, we just really need a phone, please it'll only take a second."

"Alice, come on we'll try somewhere else." Kara yanks my arm and forces me out of the restaurant so the security don't have to.

"Well that was a bust." Kara complains. "Let's just go back to the boys." She starts walking back, Emma follows before I get a chance to object. A car pulls up next to us, the window rolls down to reveal Nurse Jackson.

"Get in." She yells at us, Dash and Jordi are already in. "Now who's dumb idea was this?" She says as she starts driving. Everybody looks at me but none of us say anything. "Alice, you've had your dad worried sick, call him." She hands me her phone.

"Dad?"

"Alice, where the hell have you been? I thought you had tried something, you could have been lying in a ditch somewhere!"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry's not gonna cut it, Alice. You and your friends are in a lot of trouble." He hangs up on me. I'm still upset with him, but I do feel kind of bad. I give Nurse J her phone back. It's not long before we're back at the hospital. Brittany and Kenji are waiting out front to escort us to our rooms. Kara and I get stuck with Nurse Jackson.

"Are you ready to tell me who's idea this was?"

"It was Alice's." Kara throws me under the bus.

"Hey, it wasn't my idea to go to that stupid dance."

"You idiots went to a dance?" I realise I probably shouldn't have said that. "I don't care you ain't my kid." She takes us to our room. "You better not sneak out again."

Kara and I flop back on our beds in sync. My dad comes in with that look on his face and his arm crossed.

"Oh I'm staying out of this." Kara shuts her curtains.

"Okay before you yell at me, I only did it because I was mad at you for what you were saying about Leo, and I just wanted to get out of this place before things got bad."

"Things are bad Alice, you have cancer, you're undergoing chemotherapy!" He's already yelling.

"I know, I get it!"

"I don't think you do get it, why would you put yourself, not to mention the others, in a dangerous situation like this. You realise Dash is unconscious, he missed his oxygen treatment because of you."

"He didn't have to come Dad, besides it wasn't even my fault! Kara was the one who took us there."

"I don't care who's damn idea this was, the point is you went along with it. You know how sick you are. Here." He hands me a cell phone. "I'm not saying you should be doing this kind of crap, but if we ever get separated I need to be able to contact you." I take it from him. "I'm so disappointed in you." He walks out slamming the door behind him. Kara slides her curtain open.

"Why did you throw me under the bus with Jackson?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't get in any real trouble, the second you do something bad, you get a brand new top of the line cell phone. The second my dad hears about this, he's going to seriously consider sending me to a boarding school for difficult young ladies. Don't be so frickin' ungrateful, at least your dad's around."

"Alice, what the hell happened Nurse Jackson's in my room yelling at Jordi." Leo comes in, he kisses me.

"Kara drove us to this dance, I just wanted to get out of here and you were in PT, my dad was pissing me off."

"What did he say?" I'm reluctant to tell him. "Alice, talk to me?"

"He said you're like, a bad influence on me." His face tells. "I know, it's ridiculous."

"Leo, bed, now." Kenji comes in and says to him.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow." He kisses me again. "Love you."

"Love you too." Kenji takes him back to his room.

This whole thing is a mess, I'm still mad at dad, but I feel bad for scaring him, and Jordi was right earlier, he's probably just stressed about this whole dumb cancer thing. But what if he doesn't change his mind about Leo and he doesn't let us be together, I don't want to have choose between them both.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning I wake up feeling more exhausted than ever. It's 1pm, I've slept for like 12 hours. Last night was a mess. I reach over to my new phone, it's all set up already. The only number I have programmed in is my dad's. I don't do anything else but just look at it, I don't know what I need with a smart phone, I'm not exactly into social media.

I get up and into my wheelchair, if I tried to walk I wouldn't make it very far. I make my way to Leo's room, he's in there with Jordi.

"Hey, how did you sleep?" He asks, I get out of my chair and sit next to him on his bed.

"Pretty good, pretty long. What about you guys?"

"I got some sweet painkillers for my leg so I slept like a baby." Jordi says.

"I was up quite late, worrying about you." Leo cuddles me.

"I'm fine." I wrap my arms around him. "My dad's being totally unreasonable."

"Am I? Alice, go back to your room please." Dad is standing in the doorway.

"Why?"

"Now, Alice. Jordi, let me talk to Leo for a second." I get back in my chair and Jordi pushes me out into the hall.

"Wait, I wanna listen." I stop the chair.

"Leo, you're a nice kid and all but I don't think it's good for you and Alice to be together right now."

"What cuz I'm a bad influence? I don't get it doc, I thought you liked me."

"I do, like I said you're a nice kid but Alice needs to be with her family."

"Her family? Her little brother lives with his dad and aside from him you're the only family she has around here, I know she loves you but she's a teenager, she needs friends and me too."

"We shouldn't be listening Alice." Jordi tugs on my arm, I shush him.

"I disagree. She's my daughter Leo, my responsibility."

"She's not a little kid! I get that missed out on a lot of time with her but you can't be there for her every second of everyday! When you're not around, I am, or one of her friends are. She's not in any kind of danger or whatever, she's fine."

"She's not fine Leo! She has cancer!" We hear him leaving the room so Jordi quickly takes me back to mine.

"Maybe you should listen to your dad," Jordi sits on my bed, "Just for a little bit."

"What do you mean? Why the hell would I do that?"

"Just get him on your side."

"He is on my side, he's just trying to protect me."

"Like he protected you when you lived with your mom?"

"Hey, it's not his fault he-" Jordi smiles, "Oh, I see what you're doing. Sneaky."

"I'm just trying to get you to understand how your dad feels." He gets up and goes back to his room.

Jordi always knows what to say. It's not that Leo doesn't, it's just that he's very opinionated and Jordi is good at seeing things from other perspectives. I go out to the nurses station to find out where my dad has gone.

"Hey Kenji, have you seen my dad?"

"He's just gone to meeting upstairs, he'll be back in an hour. You need anything?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm just gonna go back to bed now."

"Chemo kicking your butt?"

"A little."

"If you need anything just give us a shout, or press your call button."

"Thanks."

I take myself back to my room, Kara's not around so I have the room to myself. I close all the blinds and turn the lights off and get myself into bed.

The next weed is hard, I wake up for about 2 hours at a time, twice a day to eat. Even though I'm on the appetite enhancing pills, it's still not normal. Whenever I wake up, dad is either sitting at my bedside or comes to me from out in the hall, except today when I woke up, he wasn't around, Leo's sat on the end of my bed.

"Hey. How are you?" He's holding my hand and stroking it with his thumb.

"Tired, how come I haven't seen you in a while?" He doesn't answer, he just looks sad. "So we're like Romeo and Juliet now. Star crossed lovers."

"For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

"I'm pretty sure our story isn't as woeful as theirs, we're not going to die to be together."

"I'd die for you." He takes my other hand. I can't do anything but give a tearful smile. "You're cold, can I get you something?" He starts to stand but I gently pull him closer to me.

"No, just stay." He lays down next to me, leaning his head against mine. He puts his hand through my hair, then he stops suddenly. "Is something wrong?" He shows me his hand. It's covered in my mousy brown hair. "Oh. That's happening already."

"You alright?" He brushes the hair off of his hand.

"Yeah, worse things have happened." I kiss him. I fall asleep again.

I wake up the next day and he's gone. My dad is there again.

"Morning." I sit up.

"It's 4pm." I keep sleeping in later and later each day. "I got you some toast." He pushes my table up to me.

"I don't think I can stomach it dad, actually," I cough a little, "Could you get me a bowl." He rushes to the cupboard to get out a whole stack of puke bowls. Immediately after I'm done, I feel dizzy and even weaker.

"Are you alright?" He lays me back in my bed and covers me up.

"I want Leo." I start to cry.

"Alice, we've talked about this."

"You've talked about this, every time I try to tell you what I want you shut me down. I love him, like really really love him. I love you too, but I'm entitled to have good things, good people in my life. Please don't keep us apart."

"I just don't want you in any danger."

"Leo keeps me safe. I promise." He looks so sad. "Please dad." With his face buried in his hands he sighs.

"Fine." I sit back up and hug him with the little energy I have in me.

"Thank you."

"I'll get him now." I end up falling asleep again and Leo wakes me up with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, my dad- he, he's cool with us now." He gets in my bed with me.

"Yeah, he told me." He leans in to kiss me.

"You might not want to, I just puked." He laughs at me. "Better stick with the cheek kisses." He kisses my cheek again.

"Are you tired?"

"A little, not as tired as I have been. Why?"

"Do you wanna go see the others? We haven't hung out all together in a while."

"Yeah sure, you might have to help me into my chair. I'm like totally numb." He helps me out of my bed and lifts me into the chair. I don't feel embarrassed that I need so much help, at least not with Leo.

"Wait, uh, do you have a hat or something? It's coming out even more." I pull out a little chunk of hair.

"Yeah, wait here." He leaves and returns with a dark red beanie, he puts it on for me. "Beautiful."

He takes me to Dash's room where everyone is sitting around the room listening to Jordi play the guitar while Dash raps.

"That was sick." Leo says.

"Alice, hey. We haven't seen you in like days, how are you?" Emma says.

"Yeah I'm okay, all I've done is sleep. I wanted to apologise to you guys, especially you Dash, I didn't mean for you to get so sick."

"I was already sick, besides, that was my fault, I knew I'd never make it back in time for the oxygen treatment, I just thought I could handle it."

"Yeah but if I hadn't made you all walk-"

"Alice there was no way were getting out of that situation without getting in trouble, we all agreed to go. It's not your fault." Emma says. "Hey, why you wearing Leo's hat?"

"Uh, my hairs started to fall out."

"Already? That sucks, sorry Alice." Jordi says. He's still got a full head of hair and he's been having chemo for a while now but I guess not everyone loses their hair.

"Thanks Jordi, anyway enough of the depressing stuff, play some more songs."

Jordi and Dash keep strumming and rapping while we all sit back and listen. I get a little sad, I'm not sure why. I let a few tears run down my face, making sure no one notices.


	15. Chapter 15

Leo's POV

After we hung out in Dash's room for a while, I noticed Alice start to fall asleep and she looked a little emotional, so I took her back to her room to get some more rest.

"You alright? I saw you cry."

"Yeah, it was like happy tears, I think. I don't know really, I just got this feeling. You're all so cool and stuff and I'm just grateful that I can call you guys my friends." I help her into bed again, she's getting noticeably lighter.

"We're grateful for you too. Especially me." I kiss her head. She's just so beautiful, and she has a beautiful soul to match. It sucks that someone as perfect as Alice is going through this crap.

Kara's POV

When I wake up Alice is already up, it's been a while since she's been awake before noon. I look over and notice more of her hair is falling out, even her eyebrows are falling out. I actually feel pretty bad for her, she always had really nice hair.

"Morning." She says, smiling at me.

"Morning." I get out and sit on her bed.

"What are you looking at?"

"Okay, it's not very often I offer to do something nice for someone, so please don't say no cuz this is driving me crazy."

"Uh, before I agree can you tell me what it is?"

"I want to do your eyebrows."

"My eyebrows have been driving you crazy?"

"Yeah, they're supposed to frame a face but yours make you look like an alien."

"It's funny, I could have sworn you said you wanted to something nice but all I can hear right now is insults."

"Okay okay, please just let me fill them in!" I rummage through my drawer to find my pencil.

"Fine, go ahead."

"Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I hug her and immediatley get started.

Emma's POV

Everyone's going down to the cafeteria for lunch but I just can't bring myself to watch everyone eating right now, so I go to Alice's room, she's probably got no appetite too.

"So how was the first day back at hospital school?" She asks as I sit down on her chair.

"It was good, when do you think you'll start?"

"I don't know, I sleep like all the time these days, it depends on how the next chemo round goes, and the one after that, and the one after that, you get the picture." She laughs, I really think she's doing pretty well considering what she's going through.

"Well if you want I could tutor you? If you can't get to class everyday I could come and talk you through the work for like an hour a week."

"As much as I hate school, I need to get good grades to be able to have a decent life, so yeah, thanks that'd be great."

Jordi's POV

I've been trying not to get too close to Alice because I don't want to fall for her again her and Leo are so happy together. But I really want to be there for her as friend, so it's really difficult to find a good balance. I go into her room to see what she's up to, Leo's in PT so she's on her own reading one of Kara's fashion magazines.

"I can't believe people actually pay money to wear some of these clothes." She shows me a picture of a girl in weird stripey pants.

"Oh god, forty dollars?!"

"I know it's ridiculous, anyway, what's up?" She puts the magazine down and sits upright.

"Not much, just kind of bored, and dreading chemo tomorrow."

"Me too, I can't believe it's been a month already. How've you been handling it? Better than me I'm guessing."

"Yeah," I laugh "I threw up a few times at the beginning, felt dizzy a little bit but apart from that I've been pretty good. You sort of get used to it, when I had my first round I was mess."

"It sucks we have to get used to poison shooting through our blood."

"Not many people can say that they've had poison in their blood, I think it's pretty bad ass." I smile at her and she laughs.

Dash's POV

After the whole missing my oxygen treatment a few weeks back, Nurse Jackson's been keeping her hawk eyes on me pretty much 24/7 so we've all just been hanging around our rooms. Today Jordi and Alice have chemo so we're all going downstairs for waffles, it's like every time someone has chemo we have to have a mini celebration or something. Doesn't make any sense to me but whatever.

"Oh, Dash, I wanted to ask you about that rap you wrote? Do you have a copy of it on your computer or something? I really wanna put it on my phone." Alice asks.

"I don't, but I'm happy to record it, if you're down with it Jordi."

"Yeah as long as I get to sing the chorus."

"Tight."

"Awesome, I'm so excited to hear a recorded version, I can't get it out of my head." Alice get so excited about the little things and that's what makes her so cool.

Dr. McAndrew's POV

The month started off really difficult, what with Alice eating pot brownies and sneaking out, and then the whole Leo situation, but we've finally got ourselves into a good place. Although it's never a good place when you have cancer. She had her second round of chemo yesterday and she's not doing too bad, I went to get us a McDonald's to eat in her room.

"I've been craving these fries for so long, thanks dad! I'm trying to eat as much as possible each meal, in case I lose my appetite again. I love food too much for this crap." She stuffs her face with mozzarella dippers.

"I'm glad I could do something to make you happy." I laugh at her as stringy cheese dangles from her mouth. "So I got you some movies, I didn't know what you liked so I got all the Shrek movies." I pull them out of my shopping bag.

"Oh my God." She pulls a face I can't understand.

"Not in to kids movies?"

"No I frickin' love Shrek, I've seen all of them in the theatre the day they came out. They were the only movies that we owned."

"I did good then?"

"You did great dad, thank you!"

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